People like to maintain some sense of power. That power may come from strong self-esteem, from freedom of choice about how and when a job gets done, from control over the success or failure of a project, or from freedom to interact with others. Be careful not to take away all the other person’s choices. [...]
Many conflicts are simply a result of unclear expectations. Managers set standards for their employees, but don’t tell them what those standards are. Employees draw up a wish list for their bosses, but don’t tell their bosses what would make them happy. Customers take their business elsewhere without giving the seller a chance to change [...]
Something that starts out as a minor issue can become a major issue fast. A glance, a smirk, a mutter, a shrug, or an “Is that all you found wrong with it?” can take on an ominous appearance as quickly as rolling thunderclouds. When others seem to be on edge, back off. Give them maneuvering [...]
We all have sore spots. Ask yourself where you feel the most insecure, where you see a weakness in yourself, what track record you want to keep hidden from the world. Those are the bruises that you want others to stay away from. Others have similar bruises, and punching those sore spots unleashes emotions that [...]
Bad attitudes. We recognize them when we see them, but they’re hard to define. That’s why a problem that has been resolved does not always feel like a problem that has been resolved. Only the action has changed, not the person’s attitude. A little girl tottered and weaved as she tiptoed along a ledge high [...]
Psychologists have counseled parents for years that sometimes children misbehave because negative attention is better than no attention. The same can be said of adult conflict. Ask yourself what you or the other person has to gain from refusing to end a running conflict. Does a continual uproar in the department create excitement for the [...]
When you don’t know all the facts affecting a specific conflict, you may need to dwell on the problem: When does the problem occur? What’s causing the problem? Why is A or B a problem at all? How is the problem affecting others? How much is the problem costing in time, effort, and money? But [...]
Never simply shrug and let a compliment “roll off” as if it were unnoticed, expected, or unappreciated. If praise embarrasses you and you feel at a loss for words, a simple acknowledgment is enough: “Thank you.” “I appreciate your noticing.” “I like to hear that.” “That makes me feel really good.” “How nice of you [...]
You will sound insincere if you return the exact compliment that someone gives you: “I like your new hairstyle.” Response: “Well, yours looks nice also.” While the attempt to acknowledge the remark gracefully is understandable, the matching compliment will diminish the other person’s gift of words to you. If you sincerely feel that a matching [...]
At times, you want to compliment people on their good judgment, their ethics, their supportive attitude, or their disposition: “Max, you’re a really solid employee.” “Denise, I wish all our supervisors had your good judgment.” If your observations are based on several situations over a long period of time, the comments will not come across [...]
