Booher BanterBusiness Communication Consultant

Cindy, a former employee at our company, could plow you down flatter than a Mack truck before she ever realized you were standing in her path. It wasn’t that she had it in for you for some reason; it was just that some mornings Cindy had places to go and people to see.

“Good morning,” I recall saying to her distinctly one morning as I stood near the file cabinet close to the employee doorway when she walked in. In fact, I was kneeling in her pathway, going through a pile of discarded files that we were about to destroy. She almost tripped over me—but never spoke. Eyes straight ahead, arms swinging side to side as if oars hoisting her along, she strode to her cubicle in record time, clicked on the light, and buried herself in a phone conversation.

Her coworkers gave each other the knowing look. Raised eyebrows. The eye roll. Finally, someone muttered the obvious, “Not a good day for Cindy.”

Half-hour later, we had the full story: Her daughter had had car trouble the day before, had missed an exam, and had been unable to persuade her professor to allow her to take the exam late. Mom was on the phone to the dean, trying to rectify the situation. Cindy’s walk revealed her pent-up anger.

What do you communicate when you walk?

• If you snap at someone first thing in the morning, they’ll likely pass the word to stay away for the rest of the day.
• If you saunter down the hallway, you’re inviting colleagues to stop you for a chat.
• If you bop along through the cafeteria at lunchtime, you’re telling coworkers that your day is going well and that you’re feeling rather carefree.
• If you seem preoccupied and puzzled as you march along in somber silence, you communicate tension.
• If your steps seem light and your shoulders slumped—almost as if you’re not sure you have permission to travel the path you’re on—you communicate a lack of confidence.

If you want to communicate personal presence as you enter a room, pause a moment to take stock of your emotional state. Walk in with a smile and posture to match. Be intentional as you stop to chat or engage others. Others watch how you walk. Your habitual walk speaks volumes.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 46 books, published in 26 countries and 20 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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Posted at 9:15am in Communication—Interpersonal, Executive Communication, General Communication, Personal Presence | Permalink | 11 Comments |

With the weather at a balmy 72 degrees, spring cleaning fever struck at our house this past weekend. Closets, garage, library. New hangers for the suits. Unworn clothes donated to charities. New organizers for the odds and ends. Updated photos in the frames.

Like my closets and garage, maybe your inbox could profit from the same kind of audit. When and what should you stop communicating?

Yes, you heard that right. From someone who typically advocates that executives and managers should communicate, communicate, communicate, some people mistake sending information as a substitute for real communication—that is, translating that information to make it relevant to the recipient.

But that’s an entirely different topic. My focus here is suggesting communication tasks to stop doing so that you have time, energy, and attention for the more important. At least once a year, do a communication audit and decide what you can stop sending, reading, or meeting about:

Stop sending all those transmittals that basically say, “Here it is”: If you’re sending a routine report, spreadsheet, or update, there’s no need to bore your reader with a template transmittal that says nothing new. Just attach the document with an informative subject line about what’s attached: “Attached—April Update on the XYZ Project.”

Get off others’ distribution lists: If you routinely get reports, journals, ezines, spreadsheets, or meeting minutes that you no longer want or need, reply to tell the sender you no longer have need for them or simply unsubscribe. That’s far better than letting your inbox fill to overflowing, dragging them into a folder to read when time, and feeling stressed because you’re always “behind in your reading.” The bonus for others is that if everyone opts out, they’ll no longer have to prepare the report.

Verify that your own outgoing documents are still needed: Just because someone asked you to compile a report or spreadsheet two years ago doesn’t mean they still need that information. The document may have outlived its purpose. At least once a year, send a note to the requester to verify that the information is still necessary.

Eliminate formal performance appraisals: Both bosses and their employees dread them. If you do them well, they take time to prepare and to document after the actual discussion. Feedback serves both people involved far better when given immediately and informally throughout the year as occasions arise.

Rework confusing templates and forms: If you use template emails or letters to communicate with customers or coworkers in other departments about routine processes, do they accomplish the purpose? Are they clear or do they generate questions? If you use forms to collect information, do people complete them correctly? If not, what can you do to improve the form and eliminate follow-up calls and rework for yourself?

Add answers to frequently asked questions to your website or intranet in a FAQ section: Stop wasting valuable time repeatedly explaining routine information.

Record standard information with an extra menu selection on your phone greeting. If you routinely find yourself giving out the same information about directions to your building, hours you’re closed for lunch, or payment plans, record that information and make it a menu option on your phone for callers to select at will without distracting you from more important projects.

In short, make spring cleaning an annual event—even if it happens in the summer, fall, or winter.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 46 books, published in 26 countries and 20 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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Posted at 10:04am in Communication—Interpersonal, Executive Communication, General Communication | Permalink | 12 Comments |

Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and other social media sites can be intimidating—especially when you have as many successful colleagues, clients, and friends as I do. No, I don’t mean the technology. Seeing stories of success splashed on every page and tweeted every hour can be overwhelming if you yourself lack self-confidence or have fallen into a temporary career slump.

The temptation is to envy, withdraw, and fall into a negative mindset about your own strengths, accomplishments, and goals. First thing you know, you’re communicating that negative outlook even to your friends and family.

Should you have a sinking feeling that might be happening to you, here are a few reminders to change that outlook. And even if you’re one of the world’s most confident people—maybe especially if you’re one of the world’s most confident people—these tips will help you connect with others in a more memorable way.

Show Pleasure in the Success of Others 

Envy rears its ugly head prominently in silence. When someone tells of their good fortune or another person brings up that achievement in your presence, join in with your commendation. “It sounds like things are going well for you,” or, “That’s terrific. You should have told us sooner,” or, “Wow. I can say I knew you when . . .,” or, “Hey, that’s difficult to accomplish. I’ve tried it myself with very little success. Tell me how you did it.” While lifting others into the limelight, you’ll also raise yourself in the process. That’s called class.

Let Others Impress You

My husband, who has mastered this principle, always has more advice than he can use on fishing. He simply lets others know that he respects their expertise about bait, gear, fishing depth, and the best places to go, and they’re glad to show him how much they really know. For hours. At personal cost. People enjoy being helpful when they know the admiration is genuine.

Examples: “Could you help me out of this mess I’ve created for myself?” “You have far more experience in these situations than I do. What would you suggest?” “I know this seems simple to you, but it’s complex to me.” “Thanks for making me look good with this project. You did an excellent job.” All such expressions give credit where it’s due and make people feel good about themselves.

People like to talk about themselves and their interests, so encourage them to do so. Let them know that you admire or respect them for some insight, talent, skill, philosophy, attitude, or possessions. We like those who like us and pay attention to us. On the other hand, we don’t appreciate those who say, by word, tone, silence, or body language, “So what? No big deal. I’m underwhelmed.”

Think About the Imposition and the Options Before You Ask for a Favor

On the other end of the spectrum from those who try to ignore a colleague’s success are those who react with a hand out: “Now that you’re successful, what can you do for me?”

Consider the following questions before you ask for a favor: Is the favor a real imposition? Are you asking the other person to spend time, effort, or money that you wouldn’t be willing to spend on the project yourself? Will the other person say yes out of guilt? Are you giving the other person an option to say no without feeling guilty? Only a yes to the last question qualifies you to ask the favor.

Don’t Presume on a Relationship; Ask Permission

Friends will love you even more for the courtesy you’ve shown when you don’t impose on the relationship. Use the following when the occasion calls for it: “Do you agree that we should do X?” “Will it be an inconvenience if . . . ?” “Don’t let me speak for you—do you agree that it would be a feasible next step for me to . . . ?” “Do you have a problem with my doing X? I can certainly wait a few months if you think that’s best.” Never substitute relationship for thoughtfulness.

Most people are not envious of those significantly more successful in some endeavor than they themselves—Bill Gates, Mother Theresa, Miss America, Eli Manning. They are envious only of those who are slightly so. If you want to connect as you communicate, make it a goal to be impressed more often than to impress.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 46 books, published in 26 countries and 20 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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Posted at 10:00am in Communication—Interpersonal, General Communication, Personal Presence | Permalink | 15 Comments |

You disarm people when you give them the downside of your proposal first. They’re disappointed. Then you present the upside, and things seem brighter. By the time you finish with your presentation, they’ve gained enough momentum to feel that the bad news wasn’t as much of a handicap as they first thought. Keep the momentum moving upward rather than downward.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 46 books, published in 26 countries and 20 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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Posted at 9:02am in Communication—Interpersonal, Communication—Sales, Executive Communication, Personal Presence, Presentation Skills | Permalink | 2 Comments |

Disaster, whether it is a natural disaster or a personal one, strengthens character. Likewise, emotion is a terrible thing to waste. Emotion drives action.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 46 books, published in 26 countries and 20 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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Posted at 9:48am in Communication—Interpersonal, Communication—Sales, Executive Communication | Permalink | Add Comment » |

Understand the Three Dynamics of Persuasion: Logic, Character, and Emotion. Most people shun the label of an emotional decision maker, preferring to consider themselves logical decision makers. But in reality, you need all three prongs if you are to persuade people.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 46 books, published in 26 countries and 20 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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Posted at 2:31pm in Communication—Interpersonal, Communication—Sales, Executive Communication | Permalink | Add Comment » |

Whether you are talking about deserving a raise, doubling your sales volume, or convincing someone to date you, the outcome begins in your head.

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Posted at 10:06am in Communication—Interpersonal, Personal Productivity | Permalink | Add Comment » |

Communication Tip of the Day:  People never outgrow their need to be persuasive. Salespeople have to persuade customers to buy. Customers have to persuade salespeople that the time they are investing in servicing their accounts will pay off over the years. The entry-level employee hopes to persuade the manager to approve a raise. The manager wants to persuade the CEO to look at new ideas and proposals. The CEO has to persuade employees to be loyal, customers to buy, and the public to invest. The challenge of persuasion faces all of us.

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Posted at 11:21am in Communication—Interpersonal, Communication—Sales, Executive Communication | Permalink | Add Comment » |

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Posted at 10:00am in Communication—Interpersonal, General Communication, Personal Presence | Permalink | 6 Comments |

“What do you do to force your boss to give you feedback?  I’m getting this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’m not doing well and he’s not  just not telling me.  How can I make him talk to me?  Like at this tradeshow.  There are three of us. He invited the other person to dinner tonight—but not me.  And when I’ve asked him how I’m doing on the job, he just says, ‘fine.’ That’s it.  No elaboration.  Maybe it’s my imagination, but I get the distinct feeling that he’s unhappy with me and I don’t know why.  Is it my imagination?  How can you tell?  How can you know if a boss won’t give you formal feedback?”

The woman posing the question after my speech was not nearly so concerned with selling her ideas to the C-Suite. Instead, she desperately wanted help in hearing from her vice president who had hired her only six months earlier. And from the details she poured out over the next ten minutes, her boss seemed to have forgotten why he’d brought her aboard.

That conversation started me thinking about the lack of straight-forward communication in a negative situation––one of the most unpleasant parts of any manager’s job.   If you’re getting that sinking feeling that things between you and your boss are strained and you’re wondering if the disapproval is real or imagined, consider the following tell-tale signs of growing distance and disfavor in the relationship:

Too Busy to Meet:   Unplanned drop-in chats or phone calls seem unwelcome—and, in fact, a big intrusion.  Then when you request a formal meeting, it’s tough for the boss to find time for you.   Read this message:  Your contributions have become less valuable to the boss’s day-to-day priorities.   The boss may be communicating that you’ve not made his/her priorities your own or that you have poor judgment about sorting the significant from the trivial in what to bring to his/her attention.

Messages Delivered Through Other People:   A colleague stops by your desk to say, “Joanne asked me to stop by your office on the way out to lunch to ask you to please get her those Hillman figures before you leave today.”  This could be just a spur-of-the-moment delivery system to save time.  Or the boss may be communicating another message altogether:  “The rest of us are working as a team around here and know what’s going on. You’re one rung down.” Or you can read this message: “I don’t have time for explanations, excuses, or questions.  It’s easier just to send a one-way message.”

More Emails and Voicemails; Fewer Face-to-Face Discussions:  Emails and voicemails allow more control—of phrasing, of emotion, of length, of the total message.  A boss who’s miffed can wait until emotions are at even keel and he/she has a matter-of-fact tone to leave a voice mail, asking about the expenses to the tradeshow.  With a face-to-face discussion, the boss knows there’s always the chance that a simmering dissatisfaction can flame out of control at a sudden sour twist in the conversation.  Better to hold things in check, the boss thinks, until he or she has made a final decision on what to do about the situation.

No Coaching Tips Offered:   Read statements like this as positive: “The next time a situation like this with a client comes us, what I’d like to see you try is X.”  Coaching tips represent an investment of time and energy in you. Coaching tips communicate positive reinforcement that the boss has future plans for you.  Their absence may mean the boss has given up on you.

No Face-Saving Comments in Mistakes/Blunders/Errors in Judgment:    Example: “Your slides do not incorporate the information from our latest employee survey.”  A gracious way to point out someone’s mistake is to allow them to save face:  “Your slides do not incorporate the information from our latest employee survey.  You may not have been aware of that survey because it was only finished and circulated late last Thursday. But adding those numbers would make this slideshow—and any conclusions we draw from it––much more valid.”  When legitimate face-saving comments disappear in discussions of errors, the boss is no longer in your corner.

Shortcomings Exposed and Documented Before Others:   Every manager who has held the title longer than a couple of months knows to praise in public and reprimand in private. When your gaffs are brought up for laughs or laments in meetings, read this as the boss’s way of documenting those shortcomings for the group.  That means less explaining when you’re gone.

The conclusion?  Ask for–– and accept–– feedback early and often while the relationship stands in good repair.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 45 books, published in 26 countries and 20 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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Posted at 10:41am in Communication—Interpersonal, General Communication, Job Search | Permalink | 21 Comments |