Booher BanterBusiness Communication Consultant

Does what you say sync with what you do? In addition to meeting your deadlines, achieving all your project goals, and staying within budget, establishing trust in your communications is vital to your career. In both oral and written communication, including your social media interactions, a lack of trust will lower your hallway credibility.  And once you’ve lost it, it’s all but impossible to regain.

Consider these rules to ratchet up the trust level and build your credibility for the long-haul:

Explain It to Your Grandmother.

Sometimes the better we understand something, the worse job we do of explaining it. Our familiarity makes us careless in describing it. It’s difficult to remember when we didn’t know something that has become second nature to us. Ambiguity creeps in when we least expect it. Envision your grandmother as you explain a technical concept. If it doesn’t make sense to her, it probably won’t make sense to your client or boss either. Meanings depend on context, tone, timing, personal experience, and reference points. The best test of clarity is the result you see.

Admit What You Don’t Know. 

When people smell blood, they start to dig. It’s human instinct to push when they feel they are being bluffed, especially when you’re trying to gloss over spotty patches in knowledge, memory, or experience.  Admitting ignorance is a simple principle, easy to remember, easy to accomplish, but often difficult to follow.  Nothing makes people believe what you do know like admitting what you don’t know.

Stay Current.

Give up outdated data, opinions, and stereotypes. Given today’s information overload, data more than two or three years old can’t support your decisions. Correct but outdated statistics soon become incorrect.

Demonstrate Cooperation With Good Intentions.

To be credible, demonstrate that you’re acting in good faith to the best of your knowledge and ability. People must believe that you want to cooperate with help them to achieve their personal and career goals. They’ll forgive you for poor judgment, but they’ll rarely forgive you for poor intentions.

Be Complete.

Are you telling all you know? Recognize the difference between lies, half-truths, omissions, and cover-ups. True, but incomplete, statements can lead to false conclusions; literal truth, when offered without complete explanations, can lead to literal lies. Knowing smiles accompanied by long silences can elicit wrong conclusions. Lying happens in numerous ways. Intentions stand center stage here. Ultimately, questionable intentions cast doubt on character.

Keep Confidences. 

What happens when a boss or confidante tells you, “This information is not to leave the room,” and it instantly does?  And you’re the carrier pigeon? When people know you break confidences, that you share personal matters, they fear you. Breaking confidences speaks volumes about your character. Those who observe your ability to keep your promises and your confidences will begin to trust you with their real feelings.

Avoid Exaggeration.

Did you wait on the phone for fifteen seconds, or five minutes? Did the supplier raise the rates by 2% or 10%?  Did the scores dip to 30 or down to 10?  Spinning a story can put you on a slippery slope.  Exaggeration makes for great humor, but it is a credibility killer.

Be Sincere and Genuine.  

People who pretend to be sincere can pitch an earnest plea, look at you with pleading eyes and a straight face, and promise plums that dance in your head. But genuineness comes from character and is therefore harder to generate on the spot. You either are or you aren’t. What you experience is what you share. What you value is what you give. Make what you say what you believe.

Show Concern.

People tend to trust those who care about them.  People want to know that they have a sympathetic ear in you. Even companies in crisis mode know the first reaction must be to show sincere concern over individuals in question.  How do you demonstrate concern?  Tone of voice.  Word choices. Listening.  Asking questions.

Accept Responsibility. 

If you were involved in the discussions, decisions, or actions, and had some control over a situation that didn’t end the way others wanted it to, own up to it. Shirkers suffer credibility gaps.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 45 books, published in 26 countries and 20 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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Posted at 9:58am in Communication—Oral, Communication—Written, General Communication, Social Media Communication, Uncategorized | Permalink | 4 Comments |

The executive vice president of a large oil company called the director of HR with this request:  “We’re opening up a new call center this year, and we’re going to need you to help get it staffed. But I’ve already got the person in mind for the director’s job.”

“Okay.  Great.  Who’s that?”

“Donna ___________.”

“Donna _______?    Why, she’s just an admin!  I don’t see her as qualified at all.  The director’s position would be at a middle management grade, at least.”

“That’s for you to determine.  But that’s who I want in there.”

To the astonishment of the HR director, the executive continued his explanation of seeing Donna’s competence in her ability to articulate ideas in a couple of meetings when her boss was out of town and she’d been sent as his representative.

She got the promotion.

To present your own ideas with equal impact, consider these tips:

Be Obscure.

Try the direct-mail approach. Start with a provocative or intriguing statement to get people’s attention and whet their appetites for the main course. “So maybe we should hire only those with no experience in this industry.” “I’ve got an idea—let’s beat them at their own game.” When the point’s “not all there,” you’ll grab people’s attention for your elaboration to follow.

Start With What’s on Their Mind—Not Yours.

If you want to grab attention for your ideas, you have to start where people are and lead them to where you stand, not expect them to meet you halfway. What policy is bothering them? What do they fear might happen tomorrow? What frustrates them today? Start there and tie your idea into that concern or hope.

Stand if You Want to Convey Authority and/or Underscore the Importance of an Issue.

When someone “rises to the occasion,” others generally settle back and give him or her the floor. The group dynamics change from an informal team discussion to a formal presentation. A formal presentation says three things: “I already have an opinion on this issue,” “I am well prepared with supporting details,” and “The issue is bigger and more important than the routine ones we deal with.” From your physically elevated position, your words take on more authority; the group is likely to grant you control of the meeting, even if only temporarily.

One word of caution:  As a result of all these dynamics, you probably will get less feedback on your idea. Those who support it will withhold their comments, thinking that you obviously sound authoritative and need no help in garnering others’ opinions. Those who disagree with you may hate to buck authority before an audience; they often save their negative comments for the hallways. You can sometimes have it both ways by presenting your proposal standing up and then taking a seat for the follow-up discussion and turning over the facilitation to someone else.

Present Your Proposal Only One Way, and Be Specific.

When you’re courting several people with differing viewpoints, it’s natural to think that the more general you can make your idea, the more “hooks” you’re creating for people to latch onto. In that effort, you tend to explain your idea first one way and then another. You use this analogy and that. You think maybe this and maybe that would be part of the final product. Often, the intention of the elaboration is to offer something that will appeal to everybody.

A broad, generally expressed idea, however, usually has the opposite effect: everybody hears something that they disagree with. And you wind up spending more time dealing with the minor details and “what you didn’t mean to imply” than you do with the gist of the idea. The group has the sense that your proposal has been thrashed to death, when in reality only the chaff around it has been discarded. Prefer, instead, to propose the idea succinctly, in only one specific way. Let it stand there in all its glory until people force you to add details by their questions.

Make Abstractions “Hit the Gut.”

Accept the fact that we don’t make all our decisions based on logic. When people get emotional about an issue, accept that emotion, show that you understand it, and then, when they regain their composure, ask if they can share the reasons for those feelings. When it’s in your interest to do so, play to others’ emotions. Abstractions are difficult for people to rally around. Tie them to specifics so that people “feel” an issue. For example, if you want your team to provide input into designing your corporate policy concerning charitable contributions, don’t deal with nameless agencies and noble causes. Talk about specific people who benefit from these contributions and specific agencies that will be receiving the money allocated by the policy your team helps draft. If you generate appropriate emotion, “dull” tasks can take on new life and importance.

Don’t Withdraw Your Proposal Simply for the Sake of Harmony.

Encourage others to express either support or disagreement, but don’t let people turn down an idea simply because “someone doesn’t like it.” Ask for supporting explanations.  If you’re going to toss out an idea, support it until someone changes your mind.

If You Can’t Manage a Touchdown, Try for a First Down.

If you can see that your idea will not be accepted in total, settle for measured success. Suggest that the team give you the go-ahead in a limited way. Ask for a “test run” at some phase of the project “before too much money is spent.” All you may need is a little running room to prove that your idea or plan has merit. Don’t give up simply because you don’t make a touchdown with the first play.

Above all, be flexible on the issues.   We’re not talking about flip-flopping like the politicians do—whatever the polls support today, they “believe” tomorrow. Instead, be open to the facts and flexible in your feedback. The purpose of meetings—most staff meetings, anyway—is to exchange ideas. If someone presents facts and sways your opinion, don’t hesitate to change your position. That’s not weakness; it’s democracy.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 45 books, published in 26 countries and 20 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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• Communication Skills: Series on Contributing Valuable Ideas in Meetings – Part 1: 9 Tips to Keep Your Ideas from Being Ignored, Discredited, or Stolen in Meetings (booher.com)
• Communication Skills: Contributing Your Valuable Ideas in Meetings – Series Part 2: 7 Don’ts to Keep Colleagues from Hating You in Meetings (booher.com)
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Posted at 9:16am in Communication—Interpersonal, Communication—Oral, Successful Meetings | Permalink | 25 Comments |

• “People digress.  They talk all around an idea, and I often miss their point.”
• “Some people don’t pay attention to where we are in the process. It’s like they’re ten minutes behind in the discussion we’re having.”
• “You can’t get people to speak up in the meeting; then they go out in the hallway and whine about what was decided.”
• “A few people dominate.  Others never open their mouths.”
• “You can’t get people to agree and come to a decision.”

Don’t be the culprit.  Here are a few specific don’ts to keep you in their good graces:

Omit War Stories.

When you have an audience of admirers, don’t yield to the temptation to tell war stories, share inside jokes, and recount wonderful things you once did. Unless time is of no importance to the rest of the group, don’t.

Don’t Ask a Question Simply to Ask a Question.

Some team members become uncomfortable with silence. So when a colleague tosses out an idea, they feel compelled “to get the ball rolling” by asking a question. Don’t. If you really don’t have a legitimate question and don’t care about the issue one way or the other, don’t add to the problem by opening your mouth. Hours have been lost by people chasing down answers to questions that should never have been asked and that bear little or no relevance to the decision or problem.

Don’t Build Your Case—For or Against—on Secondhand Information.

When Helena says that Jack said that Lana thinks, stop right there. If the information is crucial to the decision, verify it. Make a phone call or postpone the discussion until the relayed information can be verified.

Don’t Sound Like a Broken Record.

Present your idea and support it. After a fair hearing, if the group nixes it, move on. Nothing irritates others more than having someone continue to bring up a pet proposal or peeve and whine, whine, whine.

Don’t Derail Others’ Proposals While They’re Still on Track.

Follow what’s going on before you propose something new. If you really want to upset a crowd, let a speaker propose an idea, with all the related facts and analysis, ask for discussion, and get just to the point of calling for a decision. . . and then interrupt with a proposal of your own. Instead, pay attention to the logical process and avoid bringing up out-of-order issues and ideas. After you get past the idea stage and into the proposing stage, let the first proposal work its way through the group discussion and be accepted or rejected before you toss out your alternative.

Don’t Invalidate Others’ Feelings.

Examples: “Kabrielle, I don’t know why you’re so punchy about that.” “Jennifer, there’s no reason to get so defensive.” “It’ll be okay, Javier; really, it will.” To say or imply that people don’t have a right to their feelings upsets them even more—at you.

Don’t Engage in a One-on-One Battle.

Avoid letting a discussion degenerate into dialogue with only one other person. Inevitably, others in the group become on-lookers and begin to take sides. Then the opposing ideas become an ego issue, and the discussion has a winner and loser. Bad for morale. When you realize that only you and one other person remain in the discussion, say something like: “Well, let’s open it up again. Charles, you said . . . , and Eugenia, you mentioned that . . .” The idea is to leave the impression that all have contributed to the exchange and that you are conceding to the group opinion.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 45 books, published in 26 countries and 20 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

Related articles

• Communication Skills: Series on Contributing Valuable Ideas in Meetings – Part 1: 9 Tips to Keep Your Ideas from Being Ignored, Discredited, or Stolen in Meetings (booher.com)
• Communicate With Confidence®: A Long List of Career Payoffs

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• Communication Skills: Meeting Series: Contributing Valuable Ideas In Meetings – Series Part 3: 7 Tips to Get Your Point Across in Meetings (booher.com)
• Personal Presence: What’s the Perception of Yours? (booher.com)

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Posted at 9:44am in Communication—Interpersonal, Communication—Oral, Meetings | Permalink | Add Comment » |

Business meetings that make the marketplace go around.

About this time of the month, you’ve probably scheduled a calendar full of meetings to kick off the new year—strategic initiatives sessions for the new year, budget discussions, marketing meetings.  If you’re not participating in a typical New-Year-New-Organization marathon of meetings, consider the routine business meetings that make the marketplace go around.

If you’ve ever complained that you can’t get in a word edgewise in your typical team meeting, you’re not alone.  Or maybe you identify with this comment from someone in a recent training program: “I’m tired of having my ideas ignored.  Then ten minutes later, somebody else says virtually the same thing, and the boss jumps on it like it’s brilliant.”

If you yourself have ever had the urge to interrupt with, “Stop!  I just said that 5 minutes ago. Weren’t you listening?” you may find the following tips useful.

Forget the Warm-Up Drill.
Ever since students first learned the five-paragraph essay format, teachers have required introductory paragraphs.  Some business professionals remain in that rut. Forget a long introduction when you’re offering informal comments. Start at the point of new information or the new idea. Then pause and take your cue from others. If they want elaboration, add it. If they have questions, answer them. If they nod agreement, you’ve made your point.

Use Another’s Question as Your Platform.
Look for someone’s question as an invitation to speak up. Have your prepared message ready, and step in when someone raises an appropriate question. You’ll be accomplishing your goals on someone else’s airtime.

Avoid Letting Others Put Words in Your Mouth.
If you’ve expressed an idea that someone feels the need to “interpret” for the group, don’t let him misquote or misinterpret you. Example: “No, Bill, that isn’t exactly what I meant. What I meant was….” “Wait a minute. I said it exactly as I intended to. I’m saying that . . .” “Not exactly, Sarah. Maybe I was unclear. Let me put it like this . . .” Only you know what you mean to say. Say it directly without an interpreter.

Or you may choose to prevent an interruption with body language and voice. Raise your hand to the interrupter and continue to speak at the same or a louder volume. Keep talking until the interrupter realizes that you do not intend to relinquish the floor.

Support, Explain, or Reject Only One Idea at a Time.
Poorly facilitated meetings encourage people to dump everything once they finally get the floor. That is, because you’ve had to wait so long to get airtime, once it’s granted, you may feel like dumping your ideas about everything that has been said so far. Don’t dump. Unload your thoughts on only one issue at a time, and then get off the court. If people learn to trust that you’re not going to sidetrack them by dealing with several issues at once, they’ll let you take the court more often.

Talk With, Not to the Group.
Consider yourself as being in a conversation with more than one person rather than “addressing a group.” Pause to let others speak or ask questions if necessary for clarification as you move through your ideas. Use “we” and “us” rather than “you” and “I.” Use terms that others will understand rather than lapsing into jargon. Make eye contact with everyone around the table rather than reading from your notes or staring at the floor, the ceiling, or your favored ally.

Disagree Without Being Disagreeable.
Never let yourself become a victim of groupthink, a condition in which group harmony becomes more important than results. If the purpose of a meeting is to generate ideas and get input, by all means speak up when you disagree. Just don’t be disagreeable. The difference is attitude.

Lighten Up—The Point Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect.
Not all platforms and purposes are created equal. Your career will not rise or fall based on the interactions in every meeting. If a particular meeting is not necessarily “yours,” jump in and participate—even without thorough preparation. Spontaneity still succeeds.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 45 books, published in 26 countries and 20 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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