Communication Skills: Do You Offend the Disabled with Your Wording?
It’s rare that people communicate with the intention to offend others. They do it because they lack awareness. But that doesn’t excuse the poor use of language any more than the poor judgment of a mother who decides to leave her sleeping toddler in the car alone in 105 degree heat while she has lunch in the mall with a friend.
Common sense, along with sensitivity, comes into play in both situations. Consider the following tips for more inclusive language.
Expand Your World Beyond “Normal” and Everybody Else
Take care about language that puts people into categories, making them feel that they fall outside the norm. After all, unless you’ve done a survey or have data at hand, keep in mind that the norm changes frequently. Avoid labeling those with disabilities as “invalids,” “handicapped,” “crippled,” “mute,” “dumb,” or “wheelchair bound.” Instead, simply say, “You’ll recognize Sheila when you meet the group in the lobby. She has cerebral palsy,” or, “Mark is without speech,” or, “Tony uses a wheelchair for mobility.”
Think “People Before Label” When You Are Aware of a Physical Difference
You would never say, “You’ll need to talk to the Japanese guy, Hachiro.” Instead, you’d say, “You’ll need to talk to Hachiro.” You might or might not mention that he’s Japanese, depending on whether you wanted to help someone pick him out in a crowd of people of other nationalities. Likewise, avoid classifying people by their disability. Not: “Walter is a disabled person, so we’ll need to make sure that we have wheelchair access to the stage.” But: “Walter has a disability, so we’ll need to make sure that we have wheelchair access to the stage.”
Don’t Turn Up the Volume or Speak More Slowly to Those with Physical Limitations
Avoid speaking to those with physical disabilities at a louder volume (unless, of course, they have a hearing impairment) or by speaking more slowly than you would to someone with no physical disability. This odd reaction reflects more on the speaker than on the individual with a disability.
Relax and Be Reasonable
Recently, after I left the stage where I was speaking, a group of well-wishers from the audience lined up to ask questions. An attractive woman of about 50, seated in a wheelchair, waited at the end of the line until all the others had left the room. She introduced herself as a manager in a pharmaceutical company.
Here was her question and comment: “How can I put people more at ease when they’re around me? At staff meetings, when I accompany them on a sales call to a client, or when we all go out to lunch, people just seem nervous—as if they don’t know what to do and don’t want to offend. We come near to a door, and they look at me in a panic, like: ‘What should I do?’ Should they open it for me, or not? Ask me? Push me through it? If I drop papers all over the floor, should they pick them up for me or not? How can I get them to relax and treat me just the way they would treat any other person—just to use common sense?”
Indeed. And I imagine that her situation is not all that uncommon. If you’re unsure what someone needs, simply ask as you would any other person: “Need help with that?” Or simply respond to the situation as you would with anyone else and follow the other person’s lead for the future.
Show goodwill, and the person with a disability will forgive almost anything. But use inclusive language, and you’ll remove barriers and increase everyone’s comfort.
Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 45 books, published in 26 countries and 20 languages. Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication. www.booher.com
