Booher BanterBusiness Communication Consultant

“I’m just about to go into a meeting,” somebody says to you. Do they mean “with people down the hall” or “with people in Beijing and Biloxi?”

With no definitive studies on the issue, my guess is that we have as many teleconferences today as face-to-face meetings. But attendees often leave teleconferences with far less clarity about who said what when, as well how they plan to follow up. Why? It’s the mechanics of the communication that confuses.

Here are a few tips that can make your teleconference more productive and less stressful.

Mute Yourself on a Conference Call, Webinar, or Teleseminar

Unless you’re speaking, use the mute button to block background noises. Otherwise, other callers on the line can hear all sorts of strange, interrupting noises: barking dogs, construction crews working next door, people popping into your doorway to say hello, your opening your drawer for a tissue or a pen, paper shuffling, computer keys clicking.

I was once on a teleseminar in which someone’s heavy breathing became so loud that the host asked a couple of times for all of us to mute ourselves. Finally, when the loud breathing didn’t grow quieter, the host had to announce point-blank, “Someone is breathing heavily into the phone and making it difficult for others to hear. Please put yourself on mute.” Evidently that caller had fallen asleep, because it took three such direct pleas before the caller muted himself.

Announce Yourself at the Appropriate Time on a Conference Call

Like the baby bear’s porridge, you want to announce yourself just right. Not too early. Not too late. Just right. Don’t announce yourself immediately when you enter because you may interrupt the ongoing chitchat among other early arrivers. Neither do you want to lurk in the silence without announcing yourself. That’s like eavesdropping from outside the door. Enter the call, wait for a few seconds until there’s a lull in the conversation, and then announce your name.

Repeat Your Name When There Are Multiple Strangers on the Line

You can’t tell the players without a program. So with multiple people on a call, before you speak each time, restate your name. It’s difficult to keep straight who said what when you can’t see faces. However, because your colleagues may forget to do so, you may want to make yourself a voice chart during the “introductions” part of the call. Jot down any distinctions about a person’s voice to help you recognize who’s talking. For example, Jennifer—southern drawl; Nick—Boston accent; Ava—screechy pitch; Heather—hoarse; Bilton––tentative tone/shy.

Say Goodbye If You Must Leave a Meeting

“What do you think about that plan, Juan? Juan? Are you there? “Did Juan leave?” “Did Juan say he had to leave early?” “He didn’t mention it.” “When did he leave?” “Was he on the line when we discussed who should be responsible for notifying the crew in Chicago?” “I don’t know.” “I think he heard the part about the budget.” “Well, if he wasn’t, somebody needs to get him up to speed, because ….”

You get the picture. Don’t leave your colleagues in the dark without warning. And if you know ahead of time that you’ll be leaving the meeting early, tell them so upfront. Otherwise, if your departure later falls during a heated discussion, they may think you left because you got upset.

Lighten up—but aim not to confuse or tick people off by overlooking the simple mechanics that make teleconferences work well. While typically not as much fun as snacks and banter in the boardroom, teleconferences can be as engaging and productive.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 45 books, published in 25 countries and 19 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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Posted at 7:30am in Communication—Oral | Permalink | 5 Comments |

#10—An expression of gratitude would give you something to tweet about this Thanksgiving season rather than delayed flights, leftover turkey, or your loud-mouthed Uncle Harvey.

#9––A poem, song, quote, or rap of gratitude will generate more feedback as a blog, Facebook post, or YouTube video than a complaint about your workload or ingrown toenail.

#8––Thanking your in-laws for their encouragement through the years would make them wonder what gift you’re about to add to your Christmas list. But it might do wonders for your marriage.

#7––Expressing your sincere appreciation to your family for their support in your career success will set an example of gratitude for your kids about the value of “one for all and all for one” family relationships.

#6–– Communicating gratitude to your employer for your job might focus your own attention on the positives there rather than the negatives at a time when so many people find themselves without work. Who knows, the honest expression of gratitude might even make your boss a better leader and result in his or her recognizing greater value in what you contribute to the team.

#5–– Communicating gratitude to community officials will help them feel good about contributing 110 percent to their job as leaders. It will certainly make them think twice about their decisions affecting you.

#4–– Communicating thanks to your parents for a positive upbringing will put a spring in their step and joy in their heart. Said often enough, it could even add years to their life: According to the Proverb: “A merry heart does good like a medicine.”

#3––Communicating gratitude to your kids for their attention and effort to build a solid character will let them know what’s most important in life.

#2––Communicating gratitude to your family will let them know you don’t take them for granted. You don’t, do you?

#1––Communicating gratitude to God will remind you that He’s the source of all good things in life. When is the last time you prayed and didn’t ask for something?

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 45 books, published in 25 countries and 19 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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Posted at 8:09am in Communication—Interpersonal | Permalink | 2 Comments |

 
Forget trying to fake your face. You can’t do it. Not according to Dr. Paul Ekman, who has been studying facial expressions for more than 40 years among cultures all over the world. (You may have seen the TV series Lie to Me, which is based on his work.) Facial expressions are created with more than 52 facial muscles; these morph into more than 5,000 expressions that signal others about what’s going on inside your mind.

Consider the following examples of negative body language that may diminish you. At best, the various gestures may reveal secrets you don’t want to communicate.

I’m Nervous; I Need Reassurance
Some gestures show signs of inward stress. They relieve tension building up on the inside: smoking rituals, gum-chewing, nail-biting, finger-tapping, foot-tapping or -shuffling, hair-tossing, sleeve-adjusting, watch-band adjusting, lint-picking, ring-twisting, knuckle-cracking, button-adjusting, coffee-cup shuffling, leg twining around each other, hugging yourself (one arm grasping the other and hugging it tightly to the trunk of the body), hands rubbing neck, holding your own hands in front of you or behind you (in imitation of having a parent hold your hand).

When you stand to speak or walk, a few more gestures scream “I lack confidence”: pacing, waving your hands frantically and randomly, crossing one or both arms across the chest for protection, locking your arms behind your back, clasping your hands tightly in front of or behind you. Some people clutch props such as a handbag, portfolio, or file folder in front of themselves for protection as they walk nervously in front of a group.

I’m Arrogant
The universally recognized gesture of arrogance is the raised chin. We frequently hear the cliché, “She walked by with her nose in the air.” It signifies a smug attitude. Jutting your chin out at someone says, “I see you and recognize you, but I’m not bothering to speak.”

You’re Crazy
The sarcastic eye roll or eye shrug as in “whatever” so typically delivered from teens to their parents conveys boredom, sarcasm, frustration, or lack of respect.

I’m Lying Now, So You Can’t Trust Other Things I Say Either
Consider some small lies tactful (such as responses to “How do you like my haircut?”). Other lies lead to growing doubt for important messages, and over time they diminish trust and personal credibility. So what are the signs of lying?  Sweating. Flushing. Increased swallowing. Irregular breathing. Hand-to-mouth and hand-to-nose touching. Either frequent blinking or a stare (the opposite of what’s typical for the person). A frozen face (an attempt to be expressionless and not give away any secrets).

I’d Rather Flirt Than Talk Business
Whether subconsciously or intentionally, women suggest their femaleness by glancing over a raised shoulder. Or, they dip their head to the side and peep upward. This head tilt is a submissive gesture that makes a person look smaller and more vulnerable. When women feel attracted, they often expose the inside of their wrist and display the silky smooth skin there.

When men feel attracted, they  proudly hang their thumbs over their waist-band to frame their frontal area, as if to say, “Look at me.” Women often add the pelvic tilt to this hands-on-hip gesture (think fashion model on the catwalk) to say, “Look at me!”

Body language always trumps words. Make sure your body doesn’t betray you.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 45 books, published in 25 countries and 19 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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Posted at 7:53am in Communication—Interpersonal | Permalink | 5 Comments |

Someone has said, “The measure of your ability to communicate is the results you see.” While that’s a provocative statement, I don’t agree. Certainly it’s true that if you don’t get your message across to the listener, you haven’t really communicated. But unless you as speaker are the only one who cares, the process of communication is not solely your responsibility.

Take, for example, yesterday’s sales fiasco between an account executive and his prospect. Apparently, the salesperson and buyer had had previous discussions about pricing for coaching three executives over a period of 12 months.

The buyer kicked off the conversation this way: “After the pricing you gave me last week, I’ve given this project a lot of thought. Basically, I think we need to change our approach here. This is a huge investment for coaching just three executives. I think what we need to do instead is have you work with our entire management team in a retreat setting. We could accomplish the same goals in a much shorter timeframe––helping more people––all for the same fee.”

The account executive responded, “So you want to move ahead with the coaching?”

I stared in disbelief. Apparently, the rep had had an out-of-body experience for the last 60 seconds while the buyer had said just the opposite.

If you yourself ever have a spouse, friend, or total stranger (or heaven forbid, a customer or prospect) complain: “You’re not listening to me!” take these tips to heart:

Recognize That Listening Is Not Waiting Your Turn to Talk
The absence of talk is not the same as listening.

Listen for What Is Not Said
Why did the talker decide not to tell you a particular fact? Why did the boss not mention the delay on the related projects? Why did the customer not mention volume discounts when she always buys on price? What’s not said can be as revealing—and as important––as what appears in the headlines.

Recognize “Stoppers” Before You Deliver Them
When someone starts a serious conversation with you, your reaction will either encourage that person to keep talking or stop him cold. Stoppers include commanding, threatening, moralizing, advising, lecturing, criticizing, and interrogating.

Avoid Me-Too Interceptions
“I don’t know what I’m going to do with my teenager; he’s totally irresponsible when it comes to money.” Response: “Oh, do I ever identify with that! I’ve mentioned that my oldest is a junior at the university. Out in an apartment on his own. Well, the other day he calls me up and says . . .” Before you know it, the situation has been reversed. The person who introduced the subject and wanted to express frustration is now the listener for the other person’s saga. Yes, empathetic listening means that we share common experiences, but the key is timing. Take care not to intercept the conversational ball.

Use Silence to Encourage the Talker
Recruiters understand this as their best tool to find out more about a job applicant. Silence makes some people uncomfortable, and they will do anything to fill it. Whether by making someone uncomfortable so that he will chatter on with revealing information or by inviting a frustrated friend or buyer to unload, silence encourages talk.

Listen All the Way to the End; Don’t Assume
Doctors and their patients provide the best illustrations of this common weakness. After the doctor has seen three patients during the morning, all complaining about headache, fever, and upper respiratory problems, the fourth patient gets half an ear. The doctor begins to write out the prescription before the patient finishes giving the symptoms. I would venture a guess that our health-care system pays for a great many unnecessary medical procedures and tests for exactly this reason. The one word not can make a whopping difference in someone’s meaning. Listening costs less than testing.

Listening is one of the key ingredients of the most successful performers and the downfall of poor performers. Awareness is half the battle.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 45 books, published in 25 countries and 19 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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Posted at 7:30am in Communication—Oral | Permalink | 6 Comments |

Personal presence involves more than mojo and managing first impressions. Your presence involves your physical, mental, and emotional essence, as well as character. It encompasses what others think or feel about you, based on their interactions with you over time. When that feeling turns out to be favorable, you earn trust and credibility. As others experience the same thing in their interactions with you, buzz builds and social and business opportunities lead to personal and career success.

As I pointed out in my recent book released last month, Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader, that impression of your presence rests on four key elements—just as the title implies:

How You Look: Your body language, movement, dress, reaction to surroundings

How You Talk: The words you choose, physical qualities of your voice, how you use your voice

How You Think: How you organize ideas and information, what you decide to pass on or withhold, how you frame issues

How you Act: The attitude, values, and competence your actions reveal

So how important is personal presence?  Well, considering that the book made it to:

#31––BookScan Trade Paperback Best Sellers the first week of its debut

#1––Amazon Best Sellers > Sales & Selling

#4––Amazon Best Sellers > Management & Leadership

#12––Amazon Best Sellers > Business & Investing

apparently, people consider personal presence important to their success. So how do you determine how others perceive you? And how do you increase that presence and expand that influence?

Step 1: Increase Your Awareness.
Observe people with presence: How do they look (move, gesture, walk, stand, dress)? How do they talk (word choices, intonation, conversational starters and bridges, emotional displays and control)? How do they think and communicate their thoughts in meetings, presentations, and writing? Finally, how do they demonstrate their character (integrity, concern, authenticity, goodwill, thoughtfulness, good humor, competence)?

Step 2: Assess Yourself.
Reflect honestly on your own skills, attitudes, and habits as compared to those you consider star performers around you in the industry.  If you want a specific checklist to measure yourself, take the 27-item self-assessment to analyze yourself in the four key areas covered in Creating Personal Presence. 

Step 3:  Get Feedback.
Ask a trusted friend, supervisor, or peer for feedback on areas that concern you. Of course, you’ll need to give them permission to give you straight talk as a favor to help you in your personal development. In fact, you can forward your personal assessment to them and let them rank you specifically in the 27 areas for growth as to how they see you communicate, react, and work with them and others on a daily basis.

Step 4: Commit to Practice a New Skill, Habit, or Technique.
Commitment to growth requires attention. As you practice a new skill (such as larger, more authoritative gestures; thinking on your feet under pressure; or summarizing succinctly in one overview statement), ask your trusted coach or colleague for feedback. And make sure they know what you’re working to improve.

Step 5:  Do a Periodic Checkup and an Annual Video Review.
Dieters become discouraged when they lose only a pound or two a week and nobody seems to notice. But let them compare photos from January 1 and May 1 after they’ve lost 25 pounds, and they’ll notice a dramatic difference! As with weight gain or loss, small increases in your personal presence may go unnoticed and seem insignificant to you week to week. But over time, you and others will see, hear, and feel the impact of new techniques and habits.

As a baseline, record yourself in several situations (giving a presentation, leading a meeting, participating in a group discussion) and then record your first feedback from your trusted coach. A year later, record yourself in similar situations and compare the feedback sessions. If you’ve been working at changes, you’ll see and hear a significant increase in your personal presence and influence.

With every interaction, you have the power to strengthen and communicate your presence. Whether you’re starting a relationship, landing a job, closing a deal, or leading an organization through change, little things can make a big impact.

Dianna Booher, an expert in executive communications, is the author of 45 books, published in 25 countries and 19 languages.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As CEO of Booher Consultants and as a high-caliber keynote speaker, Dianna and her staff travel worldwide to deliver focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges and increase effectiveness in oral, written, interpersonal, and organizational communication.   www.booher.com

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Posted at 8:28am in General Communication | Permalink | Add Comment » |