Booher BanterBusiness Communication Consultant

The perception of “personal presence” dictates decisions and actions every day. Buyers make purchases based on the personal presence and persuasiveness of the salesperson. Negotiators with the strongest personal presence, not necessarily the strongest argument, walk away with the best deals. People often start—or decline—a dating relationship based on first impressions. Organizations and nations often elect their leaders based on the power of personal presence.

So instead of resisting that fact, why not understand how to make it work for you rather than against you?

The Essence of Presence
People with presence look confident and comfortable, speak clearly and persuasively, think clearly even under pressure. They act with intention. People with presence reflect on their emotions, attitudes, and situations and then adapt. They accept responsibility for themselves and the results they achieve. People with presence are real. They present their genuine character authentically. What they say and do matches who they are.

The Power of Presence
Presence can help you get a date, a mate, or a sale. Presence can help you lead a meeting, a movement, or a revolution. Presence may be used for noble purposes or selfish goals. Wherever you are and wherever you want to go, presence can help you get there.

Way back in the fourth century, Aristotle identified three essentials of persuasive communication—a big component of personal presence:

• logical argument (the ability to articulate your points clearly)
• emotion (the ability to create or control emotion in your listeners)
• character (the ability to convey integrity and goodwill)

Times haven’t changed all that much. Being a skilled communicator—whether online or in person––still grants influence. In fact, communication makes leadership possible––in politics, in the community, in the workplace, in the family. Think how often pundits and voters alike point out a candidate’s speaking ability and social skills—or lack thereof. And I’m betting the election cycle and chatter of 2012 will prove no different.

Not only do we expect our presidents and celebrities to speak well, but also that’s the expected norm for CEOs, systems analysts, and soccer coaches.

The Perception of Presence
Although substantive core concepts are involved, you can never measure presence in the same sense that you can measure someone’s heart rate or their running speed. Subjectivity comes into play. At work, the limiting label generally comes down to a supervisor’s statement around a conference room table that the person under discussion lacks “polish”….

––“Brilliant. But not well liked. Just doesn’t connect with people.”

––“Doesn’t always use appropriate language—too flippant, too laid back.”

––“Too stiff, always looks a little nervous, with that deer-in-the-headlights look.”

––“Comes on too strong. Too intense. Needs to dial it back.”

––“Doesn’t dress appropriately. Just not what I call classy.”

-–“Rambles. Knows her stuff, but gets off track and down in the weeds too easily.”

––“Has difficulty facilitating a meeting with a lot of strong personalities in the room.”

Whatever the comment, the superstar hits a wall for a reason, and he or she has no idea what it is or how to “fix it.”

How do you make sure that you develop that certain mystique of personal presence? Day by day, present yourself with awareness and intention.

Seemingly small things can make a big impact.  And it lasts a long time.

Want to learn more about how to create a personal presence? My new book, “Creating Personal Presence:  Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader (Berrett-Koehler),” launches on Amazon on October 4, 2011. In this new book, you’ll learn 20 principles and more than a hundred practical tips to improve your communication, increase your credibility, and expand your influence.

Dianna Booher, an expert in effective communications, founded Booher Consultants in 1980. Dianna has written more than 40 books in the fields of business communication and productivity. Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As a high-caliber keynote speaker who inspires audiences worldwide, Dianna delivers focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges.

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Posted at 9:00am in Communication—Oral | Permalink | Add Comment » |

This month New Jersey kids from kindergarten through high school will spend class time learning how to counter bullying tactics.  And if they don’t speak up rather than stand up and stop it, they’ll be held responsible for their silence.

This recent law, known as the Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights, is considered the toughest legislation against bullying in the nation. The public outcry over the suicide of a Rutgers University freshman, Tyler Clementi, served as the impetus for the requirement that all public schools adopt comprehensive anti-bullying policies.

As I listened to TV interviews about this legislation and its effects—both pro and con—one psychologist’s comment particularly struck a chord:  “In our investigations of these incidents, we’ve learned that bullies learn this behavior from their parents.”

So that begs the question, “Do we have bullying in the workplace as well?”

Granted, adults typically don’t show up on the playground or cafeteria flanked by their buddies, punch you in the face, and dare you to slug them back.  Workplace bullying tends to be less overt, and offenders may even label them “politically astute.”

Consider these signs of workplace bullying:

• Firing someone on-the-spot without cause
• Pulling rank to get projects moved ahead “through the system” or to get special privileges at the expense of someone else’s career
• Lying about others’ performance in an effort to stall their career or block a promotion
• Starting or passing on unfavorable gossip about colleagues
• Heckling opponents when they bring up ideas or proposals in a meeting
• Taking credit for a subordinate’s or peer’s work as if it were your own
• Withholding vital information
• Insulting, belittling comments
• Giving colleagues the silent treatment—and letting them know it (excluding them from invitations from social events at work and after hours with the rest of the group)
• Reprimanding someone in a demeaning way in front of their peers
• Displaying an angry outburst (yelling, cursing, or screaming when someone doesn’t respond the way they want them to)

Laws can protect against unjust terminations. But for other anti-bullying tactics, consider some of these communication habits and techniques:

Refuse to Get Hooked by “Baiting” Comments.
In a matter-of-fact tone, state your refusal to respond and your determination to remain calm: “I won’t stoop to responding in kind.” “I don’t get involved in shouting matches.” “Your outbursts will not change my decision.” “That’s your opinion.” “You’re entitled to your feelings.” “That may be your perception.” “I really don’t have time to get into it with you.” “I have my view, and you have yours.” “You must be having a bad day.” “Hmmm.”  Whatever you do, don’t bite. The bully “gets away with it” only when you succumb to letting him or her make you lose control. 

Tell the Other Person that the “Insult Tactic” Doesn’t Work With You.
When you think someone is yelling, cursing, or otherwise abusing you simply to get you to change your mind about something, say so. “Geoffrey, yelling and exploding at me won’t work. I understand you’re angry that you have to wait another couple of days, but those tactics don’t work with me.”

Use Body Language to End the Insulting Conversation.
Look bored. Yawn. Wave the person away with a flip of your hand. Continue your work or make an exit. Break eye contact. Your body should say, “I don’t have time for such nonsense. Stop it.”

Wear the Remark.
Try going along with the other person’s comment. Such a response drains all the fun out of the torture tactic for the bully. For example, the bully says, “You take about twice as long as most people to do this report. Were you aware of that?” You respond: “It’s really closer to three times as long.”

Write Down an Insult or Hostile Remark.
Make a point of writing down derogatory comments in the bully’s presence—even asking them to repeat the remarks so that you can record them correctly. If they ask why, make some flippant comment like: “They’re a new chapter in my book.” “I keep score.” “I’m going to send them off for a contest.” Whatever the remark, the person will immediately begin to see visions of HR people swarming around his work space. People think hard before “going on record” with insults.

Prepare a Comeback.
The comeback can be serious or humorous. The choice is yours, depending on what you want as an outcome. If you want to keep the relationship intact and you want the barbs to end, be serious. If you want to prove that you can take it and ruffle some feathers yourself, try light humor. Timing and tone may make the difference in each case. Examples: “Do you treat everybody like this, or am I just a favorite?” “I know what’s bothering you—but your secret is safe with me.” “You go for the kill, don’t you?” “You’re charming.” “Everybody can’t afford to go to finishing school.” “Bad hair day, huh?” “I bet you go home and kick your dog, too.”

Level About How the Insult Makes You Feel.
Tell the other person that the constant sarcasm, jokes, or grumbling has gotten out of hand. Be as direct as you can: “That remark is insulting.” “Why do you enjoy hurting my feelings?” “Remarks like that embarrass me in front of customers; it sounds as though you think I’m incompetent at my job.” “Did you mean to insult me? Are you aware of what you did?” Wait for a response.

Prepare Gossip Stoppers.
If the shared gossip insults someone else and you don’t want to play a role in it, stop the conversation with one of these lines. Vary your tone with your purpose: “I’m surprised to hear you say that—Janice always has such nice things to say about you.” “Frankly, I’m puzzled. I’ve never known you to pass on rumors that haven’t been checked out.” “I really don’t pay much attention to the grapevine—things get so twisted. Don’t you agree?” “That story has probably gone through so many tellings that I bet half the details are missing.” “Really? I think I’ll mention that to Cindy so that she’ll know she needs to set the record straight.”

Kindergarten bullies grow up to be boardroom bullies. Aim to change their communication tactics.

Have you experienced bullying in the workplace? How have you tackled it? Share in the comments below!

Dianna Booher, an expert in effective communications, founded Booher Consultants in 1980.  Dianna has written more than 40 books in the fields of business communication and productivity.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As a high-caliber keynote speaker who inspires audiences worldwide, Dianna delivers focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges.

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Posted at 10:00am in Communication—Interpersonal | Permalink | 1 Comment |

An effective elevator speech either confirms or destroys your image as an executive — not to mention affecting your results. It should be brief (15-30 seconds), pithy, quotable, listener-focused — and should appear to be off the cuff.

Your elevator speech tells people what you do, who you do it for, and what benefit you can deliver. It’s a sales call in a sentence. If you frequently find yourself stammering and stuttering when you should be selling yourself and your services—and you have only seconds to do so—consider the following 8 tips for a great elevator speech.

1. State what you do in terms of a benefit.

Example: “We help salespeople really engage their buyers when they deliver a sales presentation or a written proposal.”

2. Make sure your opening benefit has a hook.

The benefit stated as a hook causes listeners to say to themselves: “Oh, yeah? We have problems with that too. I wonder how he/she does that…?” Remember that people don’t really care what you do—they care about what you may be able to do for THEM.

3. Add a credibility builder.

The credibility builder may mention well-known clients to establish that others value your services. Consider your track record for credibility builders. You could also mention key results achieved for clients or a certification process that you’ve “just completed” to accomplish the same effect. Example: “Our clients—such as IBM, ExxonMobil, and Frito-Lay—tell us that one of the hardest things for their salespeople to do is actually engage their prospects when they’re delivering a sales proposal.”

4. Deliver your “speech” as if speaking off the cuff.

Never sound purposeful. That is, take care that you don’t sound canned in your phrasing. Work in some conversational glitches. Stumble on a word, use a colloquial phrase, or bridge from the conversation at hand with a spontaneous segue into your speech. The key to a great elevator speech is an “advisor to advisor” delivery rather than a “sales pitch.” To pull that off, you have to give careful attention to your phrasing, speaking rate, demeanor, tone, and body language. They all provide context to make the message sound as if you’re talking friend to friend.

5. Be quotable.

Make it memorable so the other person can pass it along to others who might be interested in what you offer. Before you charge me with contradiction of the previous point about a friend-to-friend delivery, let me elaborate: There should be some phrase in your description of what you do that sums up the essence succinctly: You might deliver your memorable quote in a casual way like this: “I often tell clients that when they need to talk to the top brass, our presentation programs open the door. How well do your people do that in the C-suite—talk to the top brass, I mean?”

6. Prefer the vernacular to the jargon of your industry.

Sound as though you’re talking to your brother, not a prospective boss or client.

7. Keep it brief—not more than 15-30 seconds.

Remember that people have attention spans geared to 15-second, 30-second, and 60-second TV commercials. And those employ many screen changes to hold attention. Keep in mind how often you’re tempted to flip the channel or leave the room for a snack.

8. End with an open question to engage the other person in a dialogue.

Example: “How difficult do you or your employees find it to do X around your office?” If you just end the “speech,” you’ll typically get a pleasant nod or polite “Hmmm” or “That’s nice.” And a silence leaves both of you uncomfortable. So take the next step yourself by posing a question to the listener. The person can either respond to you briefly and change the subject if no interest or continue about the challenges you can help him or her meet—ideal.

Elevator speeches more appropriately should be called elevator conversations. The point is that they should be something that sounds like an exchange that might transpire between two strangers on the way from the first to the fiftieth floor. When the door opens, the person hearing the “speech” should want to linger in the hallway to continue the conversation.

Dianna Booher, an expert in effective communications, founded Booher Consultants in 1980.  Dianna has written more than 40 books in the fields of business communication and productivity.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As a high-caliber keynote speaker who inspires audiences worldwide, Dianna delivers focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges.

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Posted at 3:54am in Communication—Interpersonal | Permalink | Add Comment » |

You’ve heard this old adage: Never call “Help” in a crowded street while trying to explain a problem to passersby. People will simply ignore you, mistaking you for a crank, a crackpot, or a crook. Instead, the police advise you to yell, “Fire.” A short shout that appeals to self-interest gets attention.

The same proves true in writing emails, proposals, reports, or sales copy in today’s marketplace. Make your communication concise if you intend to get read.

Business and technical writing reeks with fat. Trimming clichés, redundancies, little-word padding, and weak-verb padding will make your writing emphatic and crisp. But finding the fat in your own work can be exacting.

Tip 1: Eliminate Redundancies and Clichés

If you feel the phrase “roll off your tongue” “with little or no effort” (as the last two phrases just rolled off mine), that’s a clue that you’re using a cliché.

Sentences that incorporate redundant words and ideas are harder to recognize. For instance, continue on. To continue means to go on; when you add the on, you’re stuttering. “If you can’t spell ‘accommodations,’ run the spellchecker to verify it.” The entire last idea is redundant: “If you can’t spell ‘accommodations,’ run the spellchecker.”

Little-word padding also clutters and dilutes messages.

The number of shifts worked could be attributed to various factors such as market size, labor problems, and management philosophy.

The number of shifts worked could be attributed to market size, labor problems, and management philosophy.

They talked in terms of time and money.

They talked about time and money.

Attached is a copy of the form that must be completed in advance before they will give us the service.

Attached is a copy of the form to be completed before service.

Redundancy in a document is much like stuttering in a speech—both detract from the ideas being presented. That is not to say that all repetition is bad; some writers repeat key phrases and ideas to serve as transitions between parts of a document and to reemphasize major points. But redundancy is needless repetition, which has no place in effective writing.

Tip 2: Revise Weak Verbs

Spice bland writing with potent verbs. Some writers make a timid attempt to jump into their subjects with weak verb constructions such as there is, there are, it is, it was.

Weak: There were some objections voiced during the meeting.

Strong: Some voiced objections during the meeting.

Weak: It is difficult to maintain movable equipment.

Strong: Maintaining movable equipment is difficult.

Weak: This is a product line that will excite our customers.

Strong: This product line will excite our customers.

Of course, you can’t revise all such weak verb constructions; alternatives may sound awkward. But prefer a strong verb to command the reader’s attention.

McNamara popped a fly to center field. Ted Brown plucked the ball out of the air and hurled it toward home plate, but not in time to catch Bill Frosh sliding in for the score. In the meantime, Juan Salinas raced toward second, plowing into Lenny Davis and bloodying his nose. In the shuffle, Max Silverton sprinted toward third, edging Frank Mahoney out of the running for most stolen bases of the season.

Okay, so sportswriters sometimes get carried away, but they have the right idea.

Tip 3: Prefer Active-Voice Verbs

Voice refers to the relationship of a verb to its subject. Active voice means that the subject of the sentence does the action of the sentence. Passive voice means that the subject of the sentence receives the action.

Passive: The study was completed by our investigators.

Active: Our investigators completed the study.

Passive: The terms can be negotiated at a later date.

Active: Hillary can negotiate terms at a later date.

Passive: Your business is sincerely appreciated.

Active: We sincerely appreciate your business.

Passive voice creates a lackluster, stilted, impersonal tone. Thus the term “passive.” Active voice, on the other hand, sounds alive, personal, demanding. Thus the term “active.” And the biggest drawback? Passive voice often omits people and who does what in business writing is usually important.

Passive voice also lengthens sentences, on average, by 15 to 50 percent.

Passive: Separate requisitions should be prepared by each buyer.
(8 words)

Active: Each buyer should prepare separate requisitions. (6 words)

Passive: The investigation has been concluded by our client, and the paperwork has been signed. (14 words)

Active: Our client has concluded the investigation and signed the paperwork. (10 words)

So what’s the big concern if your sentence has 17 words rather than seven? Nothing—if you write only one sentence. But if you habitually ramble when you write, you waste your time and the reader’s time.

Worse, your reader may miss your point—or click “Delete” before deciding to take the action you want.

Dianna Booher, an expert in effective communications, founded Booher Consultants in 1980.  Dianna has written more than 40 books in the fields of business communication and productivity.  Her latest books include Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader and Communicate with Confidence, Revised Edition. As a high-caliber keynote speaker who inspires audiences worldwide, Dianna delivers focused speeches and training programs to address specific communication challenges. 

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Posted at 3:12am in Communication—Written | Permalink | Add Comment » |