Booher BanterBusiness Communication Consultant

From cell phones to Facebook to blogging to instant messaging, we’re surrounded by conversations, but all too often we forget that conversation not only entails getting your point across but receiving the intended message of others.

Friday, November 26 is the official National Day of Listening. StoryCorps, founder of the holiday, learned that people want to be heard and when we slow down enough to listen, they actually have something to say. 

Our society is just not programmed for listening; we’re programmed for telling and doing. We’ve found in our communications workshops most people don’t even know how to listen. This Thanksgiving weekend, make a special effort to really listen. You may even want to take StoryCorps’ challenge and devote one hour on Friday to interview and record a conversation with a friend or family member. Try these tips to become a better listener.

Decide that you really want to listen. Many people listen poorly because they have no intention of listening well.

Recognize that listening is not waiting your turn to talk. Salespeople often find that listening is a key ingredient for successful performers and the downfall of poor performers. Responding to what someone says (not what you had planned to say even before they were speaking) says that you care about them and what they have to say. 

Use silence to encourage the talker.  Silence makes some people uncomfortable, and they will do anything to fill it. Women often go for years thinking they married the strong silent-type, when in fact, they just haven’t shut up long enough to find out they married a talker. Try it out on the “strong-silents” in your life. You might be surprised.

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Posted at 10:49am in Communication—Interpersonal | Permalink | Add Comment » |

Last Sunday proved to be a first. They gave everyone who showed up at church money—$30,000. Yes, you read that right. Pastor John Meador passed out $30,000 of real greenbacks to his congregation to teach the principle of generosity. Taking as his sermon text for the morning Proverbs 11:24-25 and also the New Testament parable of the Ten Talents, he went on to elaborate that if you sow generously you will prosper. You invest in other people by faith first. You reap the rewards later. And more always comes back to you.

Then twenty minutes into his sermon, he asked the ushers with buckets of money—$30,000 in small denominations of $5, $10, and $20—to pass out sealed envelopes to every person in the auditorium. His charge to the almost 3,000-member group as they opened their envelopes of money:  “Go apply this principle of generosity, and see if God won’t do what He says He will. We’ll ask several of you to email or call us in a few weeks to see what happens after you use this money to bless other people’s lives in whatever way you choose.”

Talk about buzz.

A friend stopped by our house later in the day and recounted this story:  “My envelope had $5, my wife got $20, and my eleven-year-old got $10. She’s excited. She’s already planning a lemonade stand for next weekend to see if she can double her money and then give it away.”

In all my years of going to church and serving on various giving and “cause” campaigns, this was a first. Typically, once or twice a year pastors around the world talk about tithing ten percent of your income or giving to those less fortunate in general, especially around this season of the year. But few have found a way to make the point so dramatic and visual.

Generals before Congress, presidents before foreign leaders, and pastors before parishioners—they all have used props to make a point. The impact of props may last for years. Consider them for your next presentation.

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Posted at 3:55pm in Communication—Oral | Permalink | Add Comment » |

1. It would give you something to tweet about.
2. A poem, song, or rap would be one more blog topic on your idea list.
3. Thanking your in-laws for their “support through the years” would make them wonder what favor you’re about to ask next.
4. You’d set a good example for your kids about a positive attitude of gratitude.
5. Communicating gratitude to your boss for your job might result in praise to you for work well done.
6. Communicating gratitude to community officials will make them better leaders.
7. Communicating thanks to your parents for your upbringing will put a spring in their step and tears of joy in their eyes.
8. Communicating gratitude to your kids for their solid character will let them know what’s important in life.
9. Communicating gratitude to your family will let them know you don’t take them for granted.
10. Communicating gratitude to God will remind you that He’s the source of all good things in life.

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Posted at 8:38pm in Communication—Interpersonal, General Communication | Permalink | Add Comment » |

“How’s the recovery going here after the oil spill?” I asked the cab driver as I exited the Lafayette airport and climbed into his cab for the short ride to the hotel.

“Slow. But it’s not the oil spill that’s the issue. We have yet to see any tar balls around here. We don’t have a problem with BP or Chevron or Schlumberger. Oil is our life here. It’s the over-reaction that has us shut down—government regulations. My business is down 50 percent.”

“So what did you think about the elections this week?” I asked.

“Just flew to Houston yesterday to vote my opinion.”

“You flew to Houston to vote?”

“Yeah. I haven’t had time to change my official residence yet.”

My mind started to whir back to the $540 price of my economy coach airfare.

“Did you think of absentee-voting?”

“I missed the window.” He pulled up at the airport hotel for me to get out. “Just a day to fly in and out.” He chatted on about how his two-cab fleet was suffering in the economy as we rode along.

As I crawled out of the cab, the thought continued to pop into my mind the rest of the evening. “I flew to Houston yesterday to vote.” Said as if it were a natural thing to do. He was a cab driver—not a movie star or a business mogul. It hit me again the next morning as I dressed for the day. “I flew to Houston yesterday to vote.” It echoed in my ears as I read the morning news. And again as I ate breakfast. He flew to Houston to vote.

Two things struck me about that interaction:  The first: How many other Americans didn’t even drive down the street to exercise their right to communicate with their elected representatives? The second:  The power of shocking statements to engage.

Consider using them more often in your business conversations and presentations to lay out a compelling case.

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Have you ever received a text message and wondered if the sender was being sarcastic rather than serious? Or have you ever hung up the phone and thought about the time you could have saved by texting instead of talking?

Sometimes the way you communicate can be just as crucial to understanding as the words themselves. So what should it be? Call, text, email, or talk face to face?

Call when:

• You want to hear the tone of voice and reaction to your message.  Words alone don’t tell the whole story in someone’s intent.
• You expect some negotiation. Handle it once in five minutes and end the situation rather than let it drag on and on.
• You want quick feedback.  Calls have become so infrequent that when your phone does ring, you assume the matter to be urgent.

Text when:

• The message is informal.
• Speed is of paramount importance.
• The message is urgent and you’re not sure the person can answer the phone.
• Tone of voice or body language does not affect the message.

Email when:

• You need a searchable record of the information/action.
• The other person is unavailable in “real time.”
• You want to allow productive use of uninterrupted time.
• You want to be more “to the point” than a face-to-face conversation where pleasantries are typically exchanged.

Talk face-to-face when:

• You’re delivering bad news and how you say it is as important as the message itself.
• You’re persuading the uninterested. (It’s hard to ignore a “live” person demanding your attention.)
• You’re giving a mild reprimand. (such as a boss telling a subordinate they’ve missed the mark)
• You prefer not to have a record of what you’ve said. (the case in a sensitive or potentially legal situation)

Choose carefully to communicate clearly, quickly, and concisely.  Your relationship—or business—may depend on it.

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Posted at 5:07pm in General Communication, Personal Productivity | Permalink | Add Comment » |