Booher BanterBusiness Communication Consultant

Santa can slide down that chimney any time he chooses, and he’ll typically receive a warm welcome no matter what’s happening at the moment. But when mere humans interrupt, it’s no laughing matter.  In fact, it can be downright annoying.  

Here’s a recent email I received from Carole:

Hello…. I always enjoy your newsletters and find them very helpful. I just read your newsletter on choosing to listen, and it is great. Hopefully, in another newsletter you can address the “interrupter,” the person who always interrupts the speaker in the conversation with their own comments before the speaker can finish their comment/thought/sentence.

The “interrupter” always extends the length of what could have been a good conversation and usually confuses the final key points of a conversation so that oftentimes both/all parties to the conversation leave with no clear understanding of what was said.

Carole

Sounds as though Carole and I have been to some of the same parties and meetings.  So how do you hold the floor if someone tries to interrupt you and what do you do if you see this rudeness happen to a coworker or friend?

Set yourself up to hold the floor: Example:  “I’d like to mention three reasons I think we should schedule the fundraiser in the fall rather than in the spring.  First,….”  

Then if the interrupter breaks in, use a stronger voice and body language:  Continue with, “Just a moment, let me finish with my other two reasons, and then I’d like to hear your feedback.”

Call attention to the interruption:  Here are some useful statements:

• “Pardon me, Julie, but I’d like to finish my thought on that issue.  I was saying that blah, blah, blah.”
• “No, Tom, that’s not exactly where I was going with my comment. What I was explaining was that blah, blah, blah…”
• “Please, Vejay, I’d like to finish this story because I think it illustrates a key point.”
• “Let me go back to what I was saying a moment ago before we got off on another issue….”

Redirect a hijacked conversation:  Likewise, if you’re a participant in a conversation or meeting when you observe an interrupter hijack a thread of conversation, here are some saver lines to redirect the conversation to the original speaker:

• “Excuse me, Juan, but I’d like to hear the end of Maria’s story.  Maria, what happened after you told your boss about the headhunter calling?”
• “It seems we’ve gotten off the topic. Mike, can we go back to what you were saying before you were interrupted?”
• “Tracy, is that what you meant?  Frank has restated your point somewhat.  Is that exactly what you meant, or would you like to finish where you were going with that illustration?”

These saver lines may seem natural to more assertive individuals and less so to those who are shy.  But sometimes even assertive individuals become stunned by the rudeness of interrupters and welcome those who intercede on their behalf to return a conversation to civility.  After all, not everyone wants to participate in a shouting match that resembles the debates on TV talk shows.

So as your family and friends gather during the holidays, you may want to make sure that you listen with care, …interrupt less often, …forgive those who interrupt you, …and practice those interpersonal skills with people you love.

Merry Christmas!

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Posted at 1:02pm in Communication—Interpersonal, General Communication | Permalink | Add Comment » |

After my comments about Morgan Freeman ran in the New York Post article last week, we’ve had a flurry of response. But the most intriguing call was from an interviewer yesterday morning, Kathleen Kurke, who posed this question:  “How do you exude that same executive presence when you’re talking to a client on the phone or in writing?”

(If you missed my earlier blog post answering New York Post reporter Reed Tucker’s question about why Morgan Freeman is always cast in god-like, well-respected roles, I identified six primary characteristics—five of them having to do with the visual.)

So how do you pull off presence on the phone?

Recall a recent phone conversation with someone who has a deep voice, perfect diction, and a slow speaking rate—someone you’ve never met personally. Do you visualize them as tall or short? Slightly built or muscular? Do they command attention when walking into a room?

On the other hand, recall a recent phone conversation with someone who is soft spoken, who uses tentative words, whose voice cracks and quivers. Do you visualize that person with poor posture? Limp gestures? Weak eye contact? At a party, would he or she stand in the center of the room or against the wall?

Chances are that you attach a visual image to vocal qualities. Likewise, personality traits become associated with physical presence and voice. Soft-spoken people are often thought to be shy. Loud people are often assumed confident and even aggressive or obnoxious. These labels may or may not be accurate, but they develop nevertheless.

In the absence of visual clues, people judge your executive presence by your voice.

When you write, others judge executive presence by the way in which you think on the page or screen. Many people think as they write—or, at least they appear to do so. They write in a stream-of-consciousness mode:  disorganized thoughts, inappropriate detail, convoluted sentences.

Those with executive presence think well on their feet or on the screen. That is, they make their bottom line their opening line. They summarize well. They select appropriate detail to make their point to the proper audience. They are precise and concise.

To sum up about your documents:  Your writing is your face on the page.

Whether you’re concerned about your voice or your writing, your executive presence is prominent even when others aren’t present.

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Posted at 10:38am in Communication—Interpersonal, Communication—Oral, Communication—Written | Permalink | Add Comment » |

“So why does Morgan Freeman always get cast as the authority figure, the well-respected guy, the voice of God,” or as in his next blockbuster Invictus, the former South African leader Nelson Mandela? That was the question feature-writer Reed Tucker of the New York Post posed to me last week.  I outlined 6 good reasons why the actor “has what it takes,” and many of these attributes surface in client discussion regarding executive presence:

• Voice:  the quality, the pitch, the cadence
• Demeanor:  poised, calm, reassuring, collected
• Height:  leaves the perception of “large and in charge”
• Facial expression:  penetrating eyes, character lines in face imply experience and wisdom
• Hair:  graying, short (connotes age, experience, wisdom, control)
• Movement and walk:  purposeful (implies a goal)

Read the complete article here.

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Posted at 10:27am in General Communication | Permalink | 1 Comment |

If someone asked you to guess the most used word or phrase of 2009 what would you say?

Healthcare?

Economy?

H1N1?

According to The Global Language Monitor, it’s Twitter.

“In a year dominated by world-shaking political events, a pandemic, the after-effects of a financial tsunami and the death of a revered pop icon, the word Twitter stands above all the other words,” said Paul JJ Payack, President of The Global Language Monitor. 

Surprised? We weren’t. Mentions of the popular microblogging site crop up at every turn. (Follow me.) But you might be surprised by some of the other words that made this year’s list.

Check out the full list of the most popular words of 2009 here.

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Posted at 12:15pm in Communication—Oral, Communication—Written, General Communication, Potpourri, Social Media Communication | Permalink | Add Comment » |