Booher BanterYour Resource for the best ideas to improve communications skills.

There’s one quick lesson we can all learn from the politicians promising us the moon every night from our TV screens:  their constant diet of feedback.  How would you like to end every speech and every day with a team full of colleagues and handlers telling you what you did wrong that day, what the people in Des Moines didn’t like, what the fall-out will be if you say or do X tomorrow, to whom you should apologize about what?

Doesn’t sound like fun?  Well, hold on a moment.  Maybe they’re on to something with their pollsters and pundits gathered around the podium every evening.

As a busy professional constantly balancing schedules, deadlines, and priorities, you might be overlooking an often-neglected resource in your own workplace that could make the difference between success and failure.

The resource is feedback—and it’s a business tool worth its weight in gold if mined consistently and effectively.  Those who want to stay ahead in this ever-changing information age not only see constant and comprehensive feedback as a luxury but a necessity.

Take the initiative.
Most people mistakenly assume that feedback will automatically appear on their desk, in their e-mail, or in person.  While they sit on their hands waiting and wondering, more insightful and opportunistic professionals know that most feedback has to be extracted, digested, and analyzed.

Don’t leave the responsibility to others.  This is your job, so take the initiative.

Ask the Right People the Right Questions.
Many times it’s not that we don’t ask for feedback, it’s that we ask the wrong person or the wrong question—and we end up with gossip or guesswork.

We ask associates for information only supervisors would know, clients about things only associates would know, and supervisors for data only clients would know.  To get the right response, you have to ask the right person.

The more focused your requests, the more precise and comprehensive responses will be.

As with Medicine, Apply Liberally to the Affected Area.
After you solicit and understand specific feedback, evaluate it in light of your personal goals and methods.

Is it an accurate assessment or a subjective opinion?  Is the person in a position to know what he or she is talking about?  Is a change in your style or method worth the effort?  Will this change contribute to your long-term personal or professional growth?

Granted, not all feedback is created equal.  But don’t just stand there, do something.  Evaluate.  Reconsider.  Modify.  Reaffirm.  But do something!  Don’t leave all the promises and payoff to the winning politician.

Posted at 8:03am in Communication—Interpersonal, General Communication | Permalink | 2 Comments |

During the holidays, many of us walk a very thin line between busy and overcommitted.  Holidays or not, at times, we all have to say “no.”  Saying “no” doesn’t have to be an arduous, unpleasant ordeal; it can be a direct statement of your thoughts and desires, delivered honestly and professionally.

Be firm, fair, and nonjudgmental.
There should be no doubt that your “no” means “no.”  Not “maybe.”   Not “I’m not sure.”  But “no.”
You don’t have to give lengthy explanations or excuses for your answer.   People have the right to ask for your help, and you have the right to say “no.”

Let the facts speak for themselves. 
Show rather than tell.  When delivering a “no,” reinforce your decision with the numbers and results in black and white.  There is a reason for your response, right?  Support what you say with specifics if you’re so inclined.

Offer alternatives and exceptions for which you’d change your mind. 
If you can’t help the other person, suggest alternatives.  Consider the results the requester is seeking and think of other ways to meet those needs or criteria.  What you’re saying is that at this time and under these circumstances, you’re saying “no,” but at another time and under different circumstances, you might say “yes.”

Before you say "yes," identify why.
Rather than overload yourself with low-priority commitments, consider your goals.  Ask if this particular cause, task, or event fits those goals.  Why is this person asking you to volunteer—because only you have the necessary skills?  Or, because you’re the only person who would say yes?  Think of your "no" response as a "yes" response to spend your time elsewhere.

The holidays don’t have to be harried—unless you let others dictate your hours.  Communicate what’s on your mind in a pleasant but firm tone so you can say yes to the most important people, places, and priorities.

Posted at 6:55am in General Communication | Permalink | Add Comment » |

What intriguing topic or question has a networking colleague used at a holiday party to engage you and make themselves memorable?

Click here to send me your answers. 

Read all the comments and pick up a few great topics to use at your next holiday party.

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"People love to talk about themselves, and they love to talk about their hometown. Where are you originally from? How’d you like it there? What do you miss most? Least? What was fun to do there?"

—Greg J.

"One colleague asked me about the holiday traditions my family had growing up and which ones we’ve made a part of our own celebration.  Not only did we share childhood experiences, but we reflected on things that matter to us today."

—Jason F.

"I had a youth pastor that really knew how to engage a group.  He could even get shy teenagers talking when he asked them, "What is your most embarrassing moment?" or "What’s the most embarrassing movie that made you cry?"  I don’t know why, but deep-down, I think people are really looking to share these moments!"

—Jared R.

Posted at 9:29am in Communication—Interpersonal | Permalink | 3 Comments |

Many people now pay a psychologist to fill the role a friend used to play.  We open one of the modules in our interpersonal skills course with this first line, and attendees around the room nod, as if struck for the first time with awareness.

Starbucks generates buzz because it creates community for those who gather there.  Recently, it "featured" a book called Listening Is an Act of Love, a collection of compelling excerpts from more than 10,000 interviews recorded and compiled by StoryCorps founder Dave Isay.  Each story—a single moment in time, either historical, emotional, or personal—grabs the essence of that person and reflects their human struggles with love, family, loyalty, or whatever.

StoryCorp’s founder had a correct hunch: Many people feel invisible. They believe that what they think, feel, and say doesn’t matter.  They fear they’ll be forgotten once they leave planet earth—that their lives will not have mattered.  So all the producer had to do was to provide a facility, recording equipment, and a facilitator, and then wait for people to invite their family members and friends to sit down and talk.

The results:  Poignant stories for those willing to listen.

French philosopher Voltaire summed it up well:  "The shortest route to a man’s heart is through the ear."

With Thanksgiving just past and Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Year’s holidays around the corner, consider your listening-talking differential during social and family gatherings.  Which body part does most of the work when you’re with friends and family:  ears or mouth?  Where’s the love?

Posted at 9:06am in Communication—Interpersonal | Permalink | Add Comment » |