Booher BanterBusiness Communication Consultant

Tariq Zohair, from Karachi, Pakistan, reached me at askdianna@booher.com and asked this question: “How can we open closed minds—people who do not want to listen to any arguments or logic?” I’ve been spending several blogs tackling this problem since there are so many ways to deal with people who are difficult to reason with. (For Tips 1-21, check out past blogs.)

22)  Dig for unspoken reservations. 

Don’t stop at recognizing the signs of resistance.  Get them on the table.  When people seem reluctant to accept your ideas, be persistent in recovering the reason.  You can’t respond to an unasked question.  You can’t calm an unspoken fear.  You can’t compare options if you have no idea what the other options are.  Encourage your decision maker to think aloud so you can either confirm or correct your presentation along the way. 

Try statements such as:  "Why not"  "How do you think your people will like this?"  "Do you think your own customers will welcome this change?"  "If somebody comes up with an objection later in the process, what do you think that might be?"  "What else would stand in the way?"  "Is there anything else that would keep us from moving on this?"  "What about other things that would make you reluctant?"  "Are there related issues?"  "What else stands in the way of an okay?" 

Keep pushing until you get the resistance on the table.  Silence doesn’t necessarily mean consent; it may mean that the obstacles are looming so large against what you say that the listener doesn’t see the point in even discussing the matter further.  You have to see the hurdles to jump them.

23)  Don’t make the other person wrong for you to be right.

Ego blinds people to logic.  Let the other person save face if he or she wants to agree with you:  "Perhaps you didn’t have access to the data I just received. . . ."  or “The situation has changed drastically since you were last briefed. . . ."  or  "Despite what he told you, the customer has obviously changed her mind again. Here’s her latest wish. . . ."

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