Booher BanterBusiness Communication Consultant

I was quoted in an Associated Press article by Dave Carpenter that ran in several major outlets during this past week about the gobble-de-gook that seeps into email, reports, and proposals in corporate America.  Here are a few sites that posted the article:
ABC News
CBS News   
Fox News   
MSNBC 

Here’s the sample I sent Dave—an actual email someone sent me, explaining his job: 

“It is my job to ensure proper process deployment activities take place to support process institutionalization and sustainment.  Business process management is the core deliverable of my role, which requires that I identify process competency gaps and fill those gaps.”

Translation:  "I’m a training director."

Another bad example:

“The current Division B headcount exceeds the requirements to support the current revenue level and results in a 15 percent decrease in revenue per direct headcount year-over-year.  However, most of this headcount is being utilized to cover unplanned vacation and training requirements.  This increased utilization of excess direct manpower on indirect activities appears to be the primary factor for the declining margin performance against plan.  We should note that there are other operational issues such as exempt time reporting, partially utilized headcount at remote sites, accounting issues, and bid margin projections, which need to be addressed.  Please be advised that unless project revenue increases, any incremental labor costs will increase period costs and further reduce margins.”

Translation:
“Our profit margin on the Division B project has dropped by 15 percent this quarter because of increased labor costs. Several operational issues, however, cause us to doubt the accuracy of that figure: exempt-time reporting, staffing at remote sites, accounting procedures, and the accuracy of our original projections.”

Here’s another example of gibberish you may have seen from your bank or credit-card company:
“rolling consecutive twelve billing cycle period”

Translation:
“The next 12 months”

Do you have similar samples that have surfaced in your workplace?  Email them to me.  I’d love to have them for my gobble-de-gook collection.

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